PTSDisneyland

scabs from the riverbed

in the Muck of Hell

Adorn my knees

as fatal fairy tales

blind my senses

Tall tales of diligence

and perseverance

blow hot air

into naive lungs and

when the sun rises

Could-Have-Been

GREAT men

die

in hamsterwheel races

and

Should-Have-Been

WONDERFUL mothers

live

with barren wombs for

Happily Ever After

Lines the cages

of unrealistic Dreams

Until Today....

until today

i thought you were mine

for my sad soul

found peace in your laugh

never did i

think my back would turn

for years of love

tattooed my fervor

and i was shocked

to have encountered

such apathy

at seeing your face

and i wanted

for time to roll back

to last summer

when we were covert

and feeling what?

something, nothing, shrug

but you were mine

until today

puttin it out there....(circa 2000)

my head

is so

FULL

and i

i just wanna

cum

i want

someone

to lick me

so hard

and

SSLLOOWW

and press on me

with their thumb

and tell me

i

taste

good

*special thanks to a pal I shared this with before posting, for giving me the balls to put this in public view.....

Circa 2000

I found an old notebook while unpacking a suitcase to use for my latest adventure to MSP. The following are SOME of the writings, which I am finally brave enough to share. Others, more personal, will be given if you ask.....

Sin (circa 2000)

Sometimes, in the death of night, I awaken, to make sure your arms are there, tight, fingers playing me, even in dream, and when they're not...i laugh.

I'm evil, and alone, and I don't mind. I'll twist you, and use you, and hope to destroy you. Then I'll walk away, and I walk away.

Now I am the rapist, who is killing the gender. What joy I find in the tortured souls, who seek the unforgiving fullfillment of yesterdays fun.

Nestles in the bosom, of some unknown babe, they all die, frozen in their searches, the perfection of porn never came, and the children laugh.

Enthusiasm passes, as time tick-tocks away. The wrinkles invade the faces of youth, scorned by the dream never lived. Where did it all go? I'm evil, and alone, and I don't mind.

Ruptured by the second place finish, in the game we all played; unfairly. Sleeping next to them, hands held, dentures beside the bed.

Power of Salt (circa 2000)

Words like knives stab my brain
its your mouth profound
that reddens my veins
my ears drip of your tone
i taste the bitterness
of your tongue
please please
just leave me alone
as you hit me
you hurt me
you rape me
and then
your lips
absolutely destroy me
beaten to the blue
black to the bone
i take your truth
and lick my salt
they'll never know
what you say
when their robot minds pass
waving...
you move your hand
in the way of the world
as my cheeks burn
with your words
of love

A Night of Ecstacy (circa 2000)

This is four different poems I wrote one night....


Why do you
have to be you
why cant you
be me
then
it would be
so easy
to hate you



you risk
being strong
for vulnerabilities
sake
oh my God....
i love you,
and your weaknesses



never there
when i need you
always
when i dont
how do you obtain
such
perfect timing?
must be dumb
in yourself....
and
i thank you




see me
no me
i am
who i am
and
nothing more
but
full of surprises